Blood Bowl Match Report 1: "Around Elves, Watch Yourselves!"

Now that the Putrid Punters are finished, I decided to test them out on the pitch against the Dreadspear Dragons coached by my wife. Being so happy with my rotten bloodbowlers, I decided to take some photos and actually try doing a Match Report here. We'll see how it'll work out and if it's worth the effort - so please share your thoughts and criticism about my take on this. Now, without the further ado:

After a memorable match when the greenskins from The Badlands Badbuttz crushed and destroyed the Dark Elves from the Dreadspear Dragons, fans were itching to see their rematch - to see if extra sacrifices to Khaine would help the Druchii this time. Unfortunately, the orcs got into an internal disagreement which ended in the hospitalization of half their team, leaving them unable to play. Still, their stadium was ready, the elves were ready, the fans were ready - you couldn't just cancel everything! Thankfully, the followers of Nurgle from the Putrid Punters, who recently managed to get their whole team back together, were ready to step in and play their first match since the last warp-time-jump.

The Punters won the initial coin toss and decided to use the ages-old trick of allowing the elves to attack first, score quickly and turning the tables on them later. Favorites of the Plague God set themselves up in a tight wall formation, while the Druchii opted for an adaptive, loose set up.

The referee whistled and the ball went off! Deadly quick elves moved instantly - and as if guided by Khaine and Nuffle themselves - attacked mercilessly! The dauntless Gerwant, famed monster-slayer, even managed to strike down the opposing captain. That assault would mangle any lesser being beyond any help, but Nurgle's blessings are more potent than that - and Rotticus Pax managed to regenerate his wounds. Still, he was forced to watch the rest of the drive from behind the sidelines!

The bloated Punters were slower to react, but they still decided to respond in kind. Sloth the Sloth, the enormous, yet friendly Rotspawn of Nurgle - who was itching for some action already - was unleashed upon the elves. Unfortunately, when it really came to it, shyness overcame him and he curled up embarrassed. Kind Ted applied some affectionate gestures to the back-spikes to assure him of being a good boy, but the poor Rotspawn still refused to go. Well, some players do have problems with their team spirit!

Impatient and irritated by the tardiness on the line of scrimmage, Toandoro rushed from behind and gored the witch Yeneffrys with his horns. Even as strong as she was, she couldn't withstand that assault.

And so the game turned into a slugfest, with the Punters really dedicated to grinding their agile opponents down. Still, the Druchii are not known for playing around (unlike some other elves!) and they focused on organizing themselves around the ball and preparing the offensive.

Even the shadowy Assassin Ezion moved into the fray, managing to plunge his dagger underneath Putronious' helmet. 'Nothing personal' heard the Bloater while he was falling down, clutching his neck, trying to hold all the blood and pus spilling from the wound.

The nimble Runner Helles took the risk of grabbing the ball as rushed through the opening prepared by his teammates. Unfortunately for him, he was so focused on holding on to the ball, passing his enemies and looking intimidating, he didn't notice the two-headed Mi Kharnn rushing straight at him.

The fragile runner didn't hope to keep standing after that charge, but he kept his nerves about and managed to quickly pass the ball to his team-mate, Witch Elf Danerys - who, thanks to Nuffle, managed to catch it despite the distracting buzzing of the insects and vomit-inducing smell of Putronius' spilled blood.

Determined as ever, Danerys clutched the ball tighter and charged at the Pestigor who caused this whole situation. With a swift kick, she sent him to the ground and then - still full of energy - rushed forward towards the end-zone, faster than ever, leaving her opponents in the dust.

The remaining Punters could only watch from afar at the whole development. It was all part of their strategy, but they still got frustrated - so they ganged around the other Witch and stomped hard on her while she was down. They didn't inflict any lasting injuries, though - and to make it worse for them, the ungracious Rotter Bob, kicking the elf long after his teammates stopped, got noticed by the referee and immediately set off the pitch!

The drive ended - naturally - with Danerys effortlessly strutting to the end-zone and scoring a Touchdown for the Dragons. Now it was time for the Punters to attack. Both teams set up their players in a deep formation to react more easily to whatever will unravel after the kick-off.

This time, the Punters' onslaught was severe, with elves flying left and right. Even Sloth the Sloth managed to join in on the fun! After clearing the line of scrimmage, the three-armed Mu'mulgor picked up the ball ran forward, with his teammates immediately forming a disgusting, yet resilient cage around him. Now they were ready to run through their opponents like a plague does through a tightly-packed city.

Like angry, purple hornets, the elves from the back quickly shifted to the side, forming a nasty obstacle course for their rotting opponents. While they were busy dishing it out, Ezion the Assassin approached Sloth the Sloth. The Rotspawn thought that the elf was a new friend to cuddle with, but instead, he attacked the beast with a dagger. Once again, the blade struck true, piercing a particularly important and sensitive boil. Sloth the Sloth squeaked loudly and fell to the ground - the wound was so severe, he had to be transported off the pitch! What's worse for the Punters, he was so sad at that 'terrible betrayal by a good friend' that his regeneration didn't activate in time to make him Blood Bowl-ready during this match.

Ezion waved his cape menacingly.

Seeing their beloved mascot moved to the dugout made the Punters' hearts waver. Still, they fought valiantly through the intrusive elves, breaking many noses, ears and one leg, but they couldn't break through completely. The Druchii played as if possessed, their moves effective and well-planned - they pressed the Pestigors against the sidelines and forced them into a mistake, which sent the ball behind the elf-wall. In a situation like that, in the last minutes of the first half, the Punters were unable to score the much-needed equalizer and resorted to good old violence. Then the referee's whistle sounded and the players ran off to the locker rooms.

The first half left the followers of Nurgle severely weakened - now, only 8 of them stood on the pitch. With the three-armed Mu'mulgor removed by the elves, the Punters had to relegate Ted the Great to handle the ball - while agile, he slower than a beastman. Better that than trying to push a Bloater to the end zone!

Elves set themselves in a careful defensive formation far from the line of scrimmage.

The Dragons lost their skilled kicker in the previous half, so they had to rely on Nuffle's favor when starting the drive. That was a foolish hope, for the ball landed close to Ted, allowing the Punters to quickly and easily form a secure cage. When the captain Rotticus saw that this was taken care of, he relaxed and moved to the fun part - attacking! Poor Tyrres never really liked the Line-of-scrimmage-duty he had to endure from time to time.

Striking the iron while it's hot, Globbmax continued with the offensive, blitzing along the left flank. 'THAT'S FOR PUTRONIUS!' he gurgled, barely intelligible, before swinging his disgusting arm-club at Ezion. The assassin flew high and fell stunned on the ground, blissfully unaware of his surroundings for a time. It was a mighty blow, but the elf would live to stab another day.

Still, the Nurgle team's optimism wouldn't last - the elves were many and they were vicious! The cage was trudging along the edge, but the Druchii were putting hard pressure on it, slowly dismantling it and getting it loose. Smelly players on the other side tried to tie as many elves as they could, but they knew how to fight, not like the pansies they were used to.

Rotticus Pax alone was having a time of his life blocking, tackling and bashing together with three Dark Elves - until he overdid his attack on the Runner Dunkles. Unable to regain his balance after swinging his claw, he fell to the ground together with the elf, where they continued to fight some more. This kerfuffle left the Bloater stunned - and the Runner left the pitch on a stretcher.

Finally, the Elves managed to break the cage into pieces - with the Witch Elf Yenefrys leading the charge, in an unholy rage, wanting to wipe the smug grin off Ted's face.

Ted usually grossly overestimates his skills - but truth to be told, he is a damned good Rotter. Still, in the face of an unnaturally strong Witch Elf determined to take the ball from you, 'damned good' is not enough. After a barrage of blows, Yenefrys sent him to the ground - but the ball fell outside the bounds. It was thrown in towards the middle of the pitch, far from the action so far.

It was pretty late and the Nurgle players knew that they wouldn't be able to score - they were too slow, too few - unlike the elves! All the rotting players that were still on the pitch focused themselves and ran towards the ball - not to grab it, but to bait the Dragons to come and get it. The Druchii knew well that it was a trap, but they didn't care anymore - they also ran towards the middle for some scrap.

With the dreaded Witch Elf gone, Ted the Great stood up and also ran to get in on the action. Then he fell on his face while doing that. Then he stood up again and creeped behind Ezion, trying to out-sneak the sneakster. Sadly for him, his attack was thwarted by the Assassin when he decided to wave his cape menacingly (he does that often) - poor Ted got tangled up in it and once again fell on the ground. The journalists would have a field day with him, calling him 'Ted the Okay' for some time after such an excellent performance.

Both teams spent the last moments of the match trying to grind themselves down around the ball. Whatever blessings Khaine provided to the determined elves were spent at this point, because the Punters sent many of them off the pitch. Well, only the Bloaters that is, the ancient warriors were just about the only Nurgle-loyal players still standing after the Druchii onslaught. Then, without reaching anything else, the referee sounded his whistle and the match was over, just like that - with the Dreadspear Dragons winning with a single Touchdown.

That signal also woke up Putronius from blocking-and-punching trance - only now he stopped to observe his surroundings - and only now he saw that the ball was so close to him the whole time! Confused for a bit, he remembered what kind of game he played and that someone should throw it somewhere or whatever.

Putronius' surprise was even bigger when he was slowly trudging towards the locker rooms and the assistants stopped him to inform him that he was chosen as the MVP of the match. Puzzled, he was brought to the center for a commemorative warp-photo - where the moderator announced that he won the award for 'exceptional perseverance in the face of difficulties and perfect execution of the game plan". The MVP from the Dragons' team was Sirius - awarded for "quick thinking and good team coordination on the pitch which allowed for his team's splendid victory". Sadly, he was still knocked out cold after an unlucky encounter with Sloth the Sloth in the first half and wasn't able to really strike a pose for the photo.

(We use the rules where MVPs are awarded completely random.)

FINAL RESULT:

We were expecting the Nurgle team to just stomp on the poor elves, but it seems they turned the tables on them! It was a pleasurable match and preparing this report scratched my writing itch a little more than the minimal snippets of backstory for the minis. As I mentioned above, feel free to share your thoughts and comments! One thing I know already, I should paint the damn balls!